The Scene In Which We Proudly Brew Starbucks

Today I was working from the cafe of a bookstore that shall remain unnamed. I was there to meet with a bride and then was planning to enjoy some coffee and get a little bit of work done before I head off on vacation tomorrow. (Yep, that's right. And yes, there will probably be some fun "scenes" to report back on afterwards!)

The cafe wasn't a true Starbucks, but rather one that attempts to create Starbucksian like products and charge the same prices for them. If it were up to me, I'd change the tagline to We Kind of, Sort of, Without any kind of Training, Attempt to Proudly Brew Starbucks - but that just wouldn't look great on the cupholders.

At any rate, my bride wasn't there yet, so I decided to get coffee before the meeting. As I rooted through my bag for my wallet, another customer walked up and started ordering. Within about four seconds, I had abandoned my search and started rapidly scratching notes on a folder, best-journalism-major-style. The writers of the Central Perk scenes from Friends could not have captured this customer as well. The conversation below is based on a true occurrence but has been shortened and occasionally paraphrased for your enjoyment (and/or vicarious frustration).

Customer: My drink doesn't have a name, but I get it all the time. The girl that's not here right now knows what it is.

Barista: Ok.....well, what's in it?

C: Mmmm, I'm not entirely sure. Espresso. Skim milk?

B: So is it a type of latte?

C: No.

B: Is it a coffee base?

C: No.

B: But it has espresso.

C: Yes

B: And you're sure it's not a latte?!?

- this continued for about 3 minutes with a minor tangent about protien powder-

B: So it's a drink with some amount of protein powder in it. Is it a cold drink?

C: No

B: So, it's one of our hot drinks.

C: It's a latte.

B: It's a LATTE?!?!

C: Yeah. It's a tall sugarfree vanilla latte with three shots of protein and an extra shot of espresso.

- moment of stunned silence-

B: .........ok then.

C: With protein.

B: Uh huh.

C: And without lumpy protein. Like, I want it mixed in.

B: Yep.

C: I mean, it's ok if it's a little bit lumpy. But not like, lumpy.

B: Got it.

C: It USED to be on the menu.

B: Right.

C: I guess I can see why you were confused. That's ok, I forgive you.

B: Thanks.

- latte creation ensues-

B: Here's your drink.

C: Thanks, and hey, again, don't worry about the confusion.

B: Yeah.