So, seriously. This technology stuff kills me sometimes. I cannot believe that in the time between my dad's first cell phone (Zach Morris, eat your heart out, this one had a snap-top case that you could store it in because there were times you weren't using it, and let me just tell you- a REMOVABLE ANTENNAE) and today, we now have the ability to check our email, plot our travel, order anything we need, listen to music, text, and what-have-you all from these tiny hand held devices.
Now, I'm not saying I'm not a little bit technology- savvy. I have an iPhone, if only because when I finally went to replace my third, beloved, well-used Razr phone this past winter.......well, you guessed it, they laughed at me when I asked if they still made them.
Hey, I LIKED MY RAZR, OK???
I also have- wait for it- a laptop computer, which I love dearly having finally figured out where all my buttons and emails and shortcuts and such are and which is now, of course, beginning to act in ways that it should not including a few random keys not working, and of course the absolute inability of the battery to function more than 30 seconds without being tethered to the wall by a power cord, which sort of defeats the purpose of having a laptop, but HEY, it works for me, unless someone is up for opening a PC store in my house and giving me a new nifty one like those commercials, someone, anyone??
But earlier this week, technology nearly did me in, and it was when this happened.
If you've been in my office lately, you'll know that I use a large, former schoolhouse mailbox system for an open-air filing system. Which means that everyday, when I sit down to work, I take out the files I need to work on that day from their neat (ok semi-neat...ok I need to organize them again) cubbyholes, stack 'em on my desk, and get to work.
Usually I open my email at the same time too.
This is where it started going badly.
Because unbeknownst to myself, the first email that I chose to click on was sent by a person who wanted me to do an event in November and had ALSO just left me a voicemail that pretty much said the exact same thing, in pretty much the same words, in pretty much the same order.
Also unbeknownst to me, the stack of folders I'd just set down had been set down directly on top of my work phone, and in a series of sheer impossibility I don't think I'll ever be able to recreate, I had managed to turn on both the speakerphone AND activate the voicemail, on a slide-top phone.
(Seriously. I don't know how this happened. The phone has a slide-open feature for gosh sakes. Half the time I can't even figure out how to get the voicemail when I'm TRYING to. )
The end result of both those items left me opening an email and starting to scan it at the exact same time my brain clicked in to something speaking to me from somewhere nearby, followed shortly by the realization that the email and the voice were saying the same thing and the simultaneous realization that OH DEAR JESUS, MY EMAIL IS TALKING TO ME followed by the only natural conclusion to be drawn which was GET THE EFF AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER, and left me catapulting myself backwards out of my chair and towards the door, just in case the computer decided to do something really tweaked for its next trick, like SPROUT LEGS AND KILL ME.
It's a damn good thing it has to stay plugged in all the time. Take that, technology.
One of these days, if they haven't already, they're going to invent a software program that reads your email to you and yes, it will seem like a cool invention, and you might even be tempted to try it, but let me tell you first- there IS such a thing as too much technology, and THIS IS IT, because talking computers? EFFING CREEPY.
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Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Tips from the Calendar- September
Part 9 in a 2011 series of recycling tips courtesy of my dayplanner. Because it's nearly time for sweaters!
Tip of the Month: Prevent 300 pounds of CO2 every year by buying fluorescent light bulbs. They use 60% less energy than regular bulbs.
Week 35: Brighten your living space. Add indoor houseplants to improve your air quality.
Week 36: Skip regular toothpaste. Use baking soda and water to brush your teeth. (*I don't think I'm going to implement this one.)
Week 37: Ditch your ride. Start walking or cycling.
Week 38: Always turn off lights an appliances when you leave a room (*because your houseplants won't care if it's dark).
Week 39: Eat more organic fruits and vegetables. They have fewer pesticides and more nutrients.
Tip of the Month: Prevent 300 pounds of CO2 every year by buying fluorescent light bulbs. They use 60% less energy than regular bulbs.
Week 35: Brighten your living space. Add indoor houseplants to improve your air quality.
Week 36: Skip regular toothpaste. Use baking soda and water to brush your teeth. (*I don't think I'm going to implement this one.)
Week 37: Ditch your ride. Start walking or cycling.
Week 38: Always turn off lights an appliances when you leave a room (*because your houseplants won't care if it's dark).
Week 39: Eat more organic fruits and vegetables. They have fewer pesticides and more nutrients.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Tips from the Calendar- August
Part 8 in a 2011 series of recycling tips courtesy of my dayplanner. Because trees deserve hugs too.
Tip of the Month: Buy locally grown produce and skip the frozen stuff. Frozen food uses 10 times more energy to produce.
Week 31: One rechargable battery can save the use of up to 1000 single-use alkaline batteries (*and recycle them properly please).
Week 32: Every ton of recycled office paper saves 380 gallons of oil. (*I once inherited an office with four filing cabinets. Upon examination I realized the person was skeptical of email and had printed, literally, THOUSANDS of emails. Don't be that guy.)
Week 33: Get a home energy audit. Find new ways to save money and CO2 emissions.
Week 34: Clean our your trunk. The less weight your car carries, the more efficient it is.
Tip of the Month: Buy locally grown produce and skip the frozen stuff. Frozen food uses 10 times more energy to produce.
Week 31: One rechargable battery can save the use of up to 1000 single-use alkaline batteries (*and recycle them properly please).
Week 32: Every ton of recycled office paper saves 380 gallons of oil. (*I once inherited an office with four filing cabinets. Upon examination I realized the person was skeptical of email and had printed, literally, THOUSANDS of emails. Don't be that guy.)
Week 33: Get a home energy audit. Find new ways to save money and CO2 emissions.
Week 34: Clean our your trunk. The less weight your car carries, the more efficient it is.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
The Scene In Which You Can Run, But You Can't Hide
Six years ago, I packed up my belongings and moved into the very first home I would ever own. A week or so after that, I naively attended my first neighborhood association meeting.
As those who have volunteered with neighborhood activities before read along and sagely nod their heads, let me tell you neighborhood newbies something.
THEY SUCK YOU IN!
It starts innocently enough with a committee that needs a hand. The next thing you know, there's a fun committee that needs a new leader. After that there's a couple shifts at a neighborhood event, followed by a teeny tiny leadership position that you totally have time for, of course, because it's just so little to ask, really, when you live in such a great neighborhood, and let's be honest, you're getting to know your neighbors and having a great time and then suddenly, SUDDENLY, you wake up and it's four years later and you're planning neighborhood clean-ups and figuring out the rules around picking up discarded hypodermid needles in your downtown park and attending IHPC meetings and fighting against historic buildings being torn down or fighting for historic buildings TO be torn down for new development and organizing Easter Egg hunts and Christmas Parties and YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS AND HOW THE HECK ARE YOU IN CHARGE OF THIS.
Ahem.
But as much as the neighborhood sucked me in, I loved it. I loved sitting on the Land Use committee and loved helping plan activities and loved going to the meetings and loved all my neighbors who would get all uppity and cute and dramatic and INFLAMED about things like- whoa- let's raise dues from $5 to $10.
And yet, despite my love for the neighborhood and how much I missed it, when Cute Boy and I decided to move to a neighborhood about 15 minutes north that wasn't historic, I knew I'd have the opportunity to get back some of the time I spent each month on neighborhood issues- because here, we didn't have any.
Frankly, the most "associating" I planned on doing with my new neighbors was the occasional hello over the fence, the kind wave as we drove by, the vegetables that appeared on our porch this week from our adorable next-door neighbors who have been there since 1967.
OR SO I THOUGHT.
Until this morning.
When, as he sorted the mail, Cute Boy discovered an innocent-looking baby-blue flier.
For our brand-new neighborhood association.
The first meeting is today.
As those who have volunteered with neighborhood activities before read along and sagely nod their heads, let me tell you neighborhood newbies something.
THEY SUCK YOU IN!
It starts innocently enough with a committee that needs a hand. The next thing you know, there's a fun committee that needs a new leader. After that there's a couple shifts at a neighborhood event, followed by a teeny tiny leadership position that you totally have time for, of course, because it's just so little to ask, really, when you live in such a great neighborhood, and let's be honest, you're getting to know your neighbors and having a great time and then suddenly, SUDDENLY, you wake up and it's four years later and you're planning neighborhood clean-ups and figuring out the rules around picking up discarded hypodermid needles in your downtown park and attending IHPC meetings and fighting against historic buildings being torn down or fighting for historic buildings TO be torn down for new development and organizing Easter Egg hunts and Christmas Parties and YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS AND HOW THE HECK ARE YOU IN CHARGE OF THIS.
Ahem.
But as much as the neighborhood sucked me in, I loved it. I loved sitting on the Land Use committee and loved helping plan activities and loved going to the meetings and loved all my neighbors who would get all uppity and cute and dramatic and INFLAMED about things like- whoa- let's raise dues from $5 to $10.
And yet, despite my love for the neighborhood and how much I missed it, when Cute Boy and I decided to move to a neighborhood about 15 minutes north that wasn't historic, I knew I'd have the opportunity to get back some of the time I spent each month on neighborhood issues- because here, we didn't have any.
Frankly, the most "associating" I planned on doing with my new neighbors was the occasional hello over the fence, the kind wave as we drove by, the vegetables that appeared on our porch this week from our adorable next-door neighbors who have been there since 1967.
OR SO I THOUGHT.
Until this morning.
When, as he sorted the mail, Cute Boy discovered an innocent-looking baby-blue flier.
For our brand-new neighborhood association.
The first meeting is today.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Tips from the Calendar- July
Part 7 in a 2011 series of recycling tips from my dayplanner. Because summer is hot enough without global warming.
Tip of the Month: Recycling an aluminum can uses 95% less energy than making a can from new materials.
Week 27: Invest in natural pet-grooming products. (*It's called soap, and it comes in organic!)
Week 28: Only run the dishwasher if it's full (*Dang! I've been running it just for kicks this whole time. Seriously....how is this a "tip?")
Week 29: Use honey as a natural anti-bacterial and anti-fungal agent. It can be used to treat skin inflammations and yeast infections. (*Gross.)
Week 30: Inflate your car tires to your manufacturer's reccomended levels, and check them monthly.
Tip of the Month: Recycling an aluminum can uses 95% less energy than making a can from new materials.
Week 27: Invest in natural pet-grooming products. (*It's called soap, and it comes in organic!)
Week 28: Only run the dishwasher if it's full (*Dang! I've been running it just for kicks this whole time. Seriously....how is this a "tip?")
Week 29: Use honey as a natural anti-bacterial and anti-fungal agent. It can be used to treat skin inflammations and yeast infections. (*Gross.)
Week 30: Inflate your car tires to your manufacturer's reccomended levels, and check them monthly.
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